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M.Y. LEONG

AFTER MANY YEARS OF THIS WEBSITE BEING LIVE, IT HAS COME TO AN END AND IT'S CLOSING.

It takes time, energy and resources to maintain this and without any funding and people always expecting to get free posts and promotions, I shall not carry on with it. If anyone thought that they were helping me by me being at their events, posting about their place, food or items - they were wrong. It was more of me helping them. When I asked for help, help didn't arrive. I can't help anyone anymore as I need to help myself now. I can always create contents just on my own without these. In case you don't think I can, I have evidently done this and go look at my TikTok where I solely focus on myself and what I can do. Mind you, my skills are aplenty and there are a lot of things that I can do so my creativity never ends. I never needed you in the first place. I need the funding more and to be paid so that I can carry on with my mission because if you are living in this current reality, you should be aware that we are now still in a monetary currency kind-of-world, be it physical cash or digital. So in the past where I included other people, it was because I used to think that people knew how to reciprocate and I didn't mind sharing but usually they end up becoming a burden. I thought wrongly. That was in the past. Thank you to all those who genuinely gave without ulterior motives and to those who knew how to mutually understand without turning on their own words. To all those who have entered into an agreement with me and even to those whom I just gave to without any contracts; my blog has given you the advertisement, marketing and promotion. Since this website is ending, the agreement ends here. To those who have not given back yet, you know yourself what you did. You think you escaped but the universe works in a very strange way. I cannot carry the burden of lifting any one of you up. I have my own mission to fulfill in this lifetime. So before I go, let me be muthafooking brutally honest and clear up a few things I've written in the past but I'm not that same person anymore. P/s : Let me talk how I want talk as I have not agreed to speak for you. You watch your own words for that is your own responsibility but do not start to control my words because that is my responsibility. Much love. Enjoy reading before this closes.





My background :

I am multi-talented and creativity is what I am good at. I am a dancer and an emcee. I create contents and blog. I have experience emceeing, dancing, being a model, singing, a bit of acting and I am musically trained (though I didn't enjoy sitting in front of the piano and practice, to be honest). I also have experience writing lifestyle living blogs. I have recently picked up videography and can edit simple videos. I have been playing with photography and editing (Photoshop and those sorts) since young during the era where the trend of compact digital cameras were starting to be an accessory in the pockets of consumers and when the cameras started to be incorporated into mobile phones, but I didn't make it my professional line. I am currently only active in emceeing and dance as one part of my paid professions.

 

I graduated with a Degree in Law, LLB. (Hons.) in United Kingdom for more than 10 years ago. So you can roughly guess my age and you know I'm not that young and don't expect me to be the soft person you expect females to be. I've seen more than you know. I'm more than meets the eyes. I also have a Diploma in Computer Science/Information Technology. Aside from running my own business, I have worked in corporate, multi-national, private firms and also start-up companies in United Kingdom and Malaysia.

 

The real me :

I am someone born to be creative with different talents, some which I have been fortunate enough to nurture while I was growing up, and some which I have let go of. You know, as we age, we have limitations. So, it's about knowing myself and doing what is right for me. An example - tried practising intensive contemporary dancing for 7 hours a few days and soon enough, I'll be squeezing muscle rub ointments non-stop to apply on my achy-breaky body parts. Ended up so tired that my rhythm is 3 seconds slower than others. The mind telling my body to move but the travelling signal is moving at 10kmph. I can still do my splits and lift my leg up straight so that it can touch my head. Not a problem. I have accepted that this is part of being human and aging. I have learnt to love myself. This doesn't mean I'm not dancing anymore. I am. 


Back in 2017 when I typed my profile page, I used to say that my body/heart and mind does not agree because I want to dance but my body is not able to do so. Years after that where I'm typing this now, they are now beautifully aligned where my body/heart and mind agrees. I am one and complete. I just do the types of dances that would suit my current condition. Why should I stop doing something that makes me happy but I do things that I don't like? Took me years of working on myself to get to this stage - years of hard work and pain that people will never see. So go work on yourself first before anyone even want to pry into my business especially if you are not doing anything that is of any good to me. Once a dancer, always a dancer and my love for dance never ends. 

 

I can be serious when it comes to business and work but at the same time, I enjoy laughing. It's good to get the endorphins flowing. I have been awarded with the title "quirky" in my highschool magazine. That's probably where the creative side shows - daring to be different. However, as I matured, I prefer the finer things in life. My style is a mixture of everything. To give an idea of what that means, let's say style is like music genres. I like music from classical to techno, trance, pop, hip-hop, popular, easy listening, country and even opera but not heavy metal. I love silence as well.

 

In one of my previous written article, I was talking about people from my past and about Valentine's Day where the different guys will have different ways of giving gifts. I mentioned that one of them was the best. That was my chronic illness-ridden self typing. This healed version of me will tell you that person is one of the worst persons to ever date. Apart from just that little part of him being thoughtful to come out with some ways to act as a delivery person to send the gift to me, I remember now that this person will never be the right person for me. It first started with how I met this person. It was at an event. I was a teenager. I left my shoe by the river to go into the river and this person took it without my knowledge. We were from different groups and I didn't know this person. He said he saw my shoes and thought it was part of all his group's items left nearby the river which was already packed into the transport and by the time I was out of the river to talk to him, that transport has left the venue with my shoes to take all the items back to their school. I recalled that I put my shoes away from any dump of items around that area because they were packing up after the event. I also told him that before he even takes the shoe he should ask if it belongs to anybody.  I asked if he could call the transport to quickly bring back my shoes as I need to wear those shoes to go home and my parents were coming to pick me up soon. He said he couldn't do anything because the transport will send it back to their school and they still need some time to sort out all the items and find my shoes in there. I was young at that time at an age where I'm not legally allowed to have a driving license so I can't drive myself to that school to get my shoes. I was from an Asian households at that time with strict rules so I was not allowed to take any buses on my own to anywhere. So I asked if there was anyone who could go to his school to quickly dig through the items and retrieve my shoes to give it back to me. I found out that he actually has a bike but he refused to use it and rectify his mistake. He gave the excuse that he cannot leave the area because he still needs to take care of the other items. I asked if someone else cannot take care of those items and then he go and retrieve the items from the transport. He said that even if he goes there, he cannot go through all the items because they were too many items. I find that this person was giving too many excuses. In the first place he knows that he was already at fault and instead of feeling guilty and quickly fixing his faults, he was giving excuses. He has no remorse for the wrong that he has done. I was young at that time and I kept my silence. When parents asked where are my shoe, I have to come up with some excuse that it is with all the event items and later I'll get it back. The horrendous part was I had to go with my friends who happened to be in that group and they brought me on that trip to retrieve my own shoes that somebody else wrongly took. That somebody is a piece of s*** who didn't even have the balls to return it to me by making a trip to where I am and personally apologize for his wrongdoing, instead I have to go there and retrieve it. What atrocity is this. I forgive myself for putting myself through all these and to ever think that it was my fault for taking off my shoes. No, it was all right for me to take off my shoes so that I can go into the water without getting my shoes wet but it was never alright for someone in that event venue area to take the shoes. You have to understand that back in our millennial era and in an Asian setting, all the elderlies were very strict and we always got scolding regardless if we were right or wrong. So much so that we were silenced and we didn't dare to speak up. At this wise age, I will just make complaints to that person's superior, teachers, to parents and to whatever authority to ensure that this person returns my shoes there and then, without me having to go spend on any transportation to retrieve it using my time and energy, because that was theft. No one is supposed to take someone else's belongings and not return it, then give whole s*** load of excuses and have no remorse. I am not Princess Jasmine being delulu as though I'm in an Aladdin setting that makes a thief the main character because I don't find theft amusing. To think that I  even dated this person for a very short time. I am wondering if back then we were living in an age where we were hypnotized and desensitized. At this awakened stage, I wouldn't even allow such a person like this near me. 


Perhaps back then it seemed like a romantic story. Romance is dead to me. There's a meme in the social media which goes something like "At 40, if you see me crying, it's because of money not because of love relationship". Looking back it's still doesn't make sense why would I even choose somebody like that and my choices got worse and worse as I grew older. Who or what conditioned me to choose the people and the things that I do not like. Just like how I was conditioned to choose other fields of study but to have to let go of my dance which I truly love. Human beings live in a very dense world. It's not like I didn't have any other choices, I always had ample of choices when it came to relationship. Take for example during that part of my teenage years, aside from that person, there were many others. Different colours, different sizes - I'm talking about height and built, don't simply think about something else. This thief is the type that will put his needs first before anyone else. He always made me feel lonely, but as I was silenced back then, I wasn't always vocal about what I want and what I don't like so when one day I get pissed off, he'll blame it on the hormones instead of asking why to fix the situation. They say there'll be men will always be clueless about why their women are angry - that's it's because they never took the time to see properly their faults, find out and understand why. He is the type that if he's in the same event hall, he would rather be sitting at where his group is and even if his view is blocked from seeing me perform my dance, he would not move to get a better view and everyone was free to roam around not like he was tied to the chair. Then when asked if my dance was okay he said he couldn't see. Tf. He was already in the same event hall, he couldn't put in more effort, could he. So much for his fake words of saying "I was there to support you". Whereas I'm the type that grew up in a family who will have our camera in hand and run to the front of the hall to take pictures of people performing especially the people we like. Back in the 90s we don't have camera phones so it wasn't always easy to snap pictures. The type of man who doesn't know how to buy tickets and ask a girl out properly to take her to see a show or performance. He's the type that it doesn't know fine arts while I'm the type who grew up performing in stage performances and watching classical/orchestra/musical staged performances since my age was a single number. Yes, I used to attend a lot of musicals before I became the clubbing girl. I have my finer side as much as I have my wilder side. So I come to realize that thief and I are not really the same after all. We were never the same. I'm the type that right after high school final exams I'll be rushing off to fly to another country for a holiday only to come back and find out he has quickly gone off to get a job. That means I won't be meeting him much, not like it bothers him to not spend time anyway. The type where he will study local, I will sooner or later fly off to study overseas. He's also the type that on New Year's Eve, he'll not turn up for the countdown party which he said "he'll try to come" because he would rather be at work and doesn't care if he disappoints his girlfriend. I left his sorry ass and his head hung low, where it never dared to lift itself up to look at me properly ever since then. We were never the same level. He was a poor boy who always puts his own needs first and will not give even if he has the means to. There I finally said it. I've never looked down on him but it was his behavior that made him poor. He might be doing well or maybe he's much richer than me now but I don't care and I won't be impressed by your money. Some people may have the wealth but they will never have the abundant energy. This is the type of man who will sit and watch you suffer in pain even if he has the money to alleviate your pain but he will not use it to make you feel better. The type who will tell other men to hold back their love and don't give it all. I have seen many of these types in acquaintances, strangers or people I put in my past - some of them trying to hide it with sweet words, some of them shamelessly telling it out loud so watch their actions, not listen to their fake words. You thought I was blind, you thought I was dumb. 


This person tried to come back into my life but I won't accept him. Someone must have told him about this other guy who was going after me the same time as him, during those teenage years and how he bought tickets for my group of friends out of his own generosity. A while later, this thief tried to emulate that other guy's ways of generously buying tickets but it doesn't work that way, dude. You can't pretend to be like another person because it's clearly out of your character. Some people think that they can teach another guy how to behave, thinking that this is how you can impress me, thinking that I wouldn't know. That's not how it works. I've seen how stingy this thief was as he didn't even know how to buy me a ticket to some modern acting performance show in one of the schools nor did he know how to arrange to get the tickets. My mom paid for my ticket. This person who didn't know how to buy me a single ticket can now know how to buy tickets for a group of us. The other guy who was genuinely generous, I felt bad for him. He didn't know that group of friends that I was hanging out with that day where we were going to watch a cinema show. I just asked if you wanted to hang out as well. He will be there later and he kept his word because he showed up regardless. When he arrived, he asked us what show we wanted to watch and how many of us were there. Then he immediately went to buy the tickets. I wasn't expecting him to do that. Not at all, unlike how nowadays in this modern era they are showing some girls being gold diggers and bringing their friends to order the most expensive things in the menu. And I have some very ungrateful friends. When he got the tickets for us, instead of saying thank you, one of them started throwing a tantrum because she didn't like that I invited him. She was making all the fuss about me inviting a stranger that she didn't know but she invited some of her friends that were strangers to me as well. She is the same girl use to come to my birthday party, disturbing my other guests by poking fun at them and making them miserable, as well as making me miserable after that. The same girl who will roll her eyes and hate it when I'm having fun at events and leading a group of us girls to dance. It took me so long to see that I had fake friends and I was slow at removing all these frenemies. She was throwing her tantrum and all expecting me to console her. Why was I manipulated into thinking i need to do that when I was young? She was saying that she didn't need him to buy the ticket why is he even there. In the end, she also took the ticket then went to watch the show. She was also the same person that force me to follow her back to her dark, dodgy place after that outing to say hi to her family. Excuse me, I'm a woman and I have no interest in another woman in that way. All you women gotta stop acting like I am a man because there were women who tried to treat me like I was the ATM machine. I AM A WOMAN WHO NEEDS BE LOVED PROPERLY AND TREATED LIKE A LADY. Take note of this. Anyway, that generous guy was sitting by my side watching this take place and it must have been awkward for him. He has always made me feel safe. This is the type of guy who will ensure that I am well taken care of,  who knows how to tell me that he can drive me home safely, the type to knows how to ask if I am thirsty or hungry or if I need anything. There was the red neck guy who could do these too to take care of me, who was amongst one of those that also surface about the same time as these people but the redneck guy was also the wrong one because that one is reactive and violent and while he was caring one minute, next he's doing something to hurt me. Yet he's saying that I'm cold and hot, without him realizing that I was a mirror to his behaviour. When he's caring, then I'm nice to him and when he's hurting me of course I'm not nice to him. With that, he says I'm hot and cold but it's the mirroring effect to his own behaviour. Some people have no self realization, isn't it. When anyone calls another person crazy, did they look at their ugly self in the mirror first to see their own crazy behaviour? No, they're too thick in the head to even realize this. Whereas this generous guy is calm even when there is a conflict and he never raises his voice. I'm the one capable of bringing out my choir voice with the infusion of vibrato and tremolo so it's better for me to have someone calm. The type who initiates and knows how to properly buy tickets and ask a girl out. The type of event that this generous guy chooses would be able to match my performing arts side. If we were to have the same characteristic value, it would be our appreciation of the fine arts and the arts and culture. He has always said that he has seen me during my piano classes. Strangely my piano classes are private solo classes so there's nobody else in the room aside from me and the teacher, when the teacher is in there. I don't recall ever seeing him unless he was in the room next door with another teacher but the walls are not see through. I'll not notice when but there'll always be people noticing me and sometimes they are following behind me like stalkers. You want to be my bodyguard is it. You see sometimes the right person is already there but we are blindfolded and there'll always be someone or some demons who try to get in the way. Like that fake friend that should have been long gotten rid of. Or the Asian tiger parent who will keep you in a glass jar and not let you go out. Just the same way we are conditioned to let go of what brings us joy, like how dancing gives me so much pleasure yet people kept getting in the way. Not this time, demons. I'll just keep dancing. Do I regret not ever giving that generous guy a chance? No. He seemed a bit monotonous and I was discovering my wild side like clubbing and all, which was just starting it's journey so he didn't seem like he would want to go to such places. Years after that there were many more whose surfaced and time and time again I can sense this calm presence. They say that you have a twin flame. I might not be with my twin flame but I do know this same calming presence that I have felt, always surfacing every now and then in different people but sometimes they are just not the complete whole package that I would like. Remember I am complete on my own, where I have the quiet side plus the noisy side, the finer side plus the wilder side. So I just recognize the other side that I like better though that other person may be slightly stiffer. Who knows. If Andrew Lloyd Webber can now play with the DJ console and started remixing his Phantom of the Opera with Lady Gaga's Abracadabra, anything rigid can even become flexible. Now that is the type of dance genre that I love to do - fusion, and the type of music that I would dance to. Glad to see that the classicals have started to modernize themselves. Anyhow as I grew up, the fishes got bigger but as I got better in life, I kept choosing poorer. I have no freaking idea what sorcery was that and I definitely am not proud of my choices. As though I was doing them charity by choosing them so that I can help them. I cut down on charity now. I need to save myself. I'm not even going to start the stories of the rest of them. I can only touch on my teenage years which mainly began like puppy love. So I ended this wheel of samsara called romantic relationships. I have seen it, I have learnt, I now have freedom from this. I have gain a skill called self love. Indeed, it is the greatest love of all. I see the detrimental ways of my past self and I have done the work on myself. Never again to put another person above me for when I was dying I saw that help never really came, even those I've helped before. Where were you when I was dying ? No doctors could save me. In the end, I saved myself and self healed. Just as I came to this Earth as one, I can only leave as one and I cannot take any materials, any other persons, any wealth possessions with me. So would you think that I will ever do another poor job that I am assigned on this Earth to do - the job of taking care of myself and this vessel called my body which I only have one of this in Mama Gaia ? Of course I'll not do a poor job. Never again. 


What I love :

  • Dance
  • Emceeing
  • Fashion
  • Lifestyle living
  • Wellbeing especially to ensure that I'm well
  • Fitness
  • Events 
  • Money. Don't judge me and let's be real - we all need money to survive. Even charity needs money and those organisations are always asking for money donation. I'm an individual on this Earth, where money is the form of exchange here, so it's my responsibility to take care of this individual put here on Earth and of course I need to receive money. If anyone gets in my way of my responsibility and my time and energy is taken away from taking care of myself resulting in my health being jeopardized in any way, then I become the charity case and you have to take care of me plus donate to me instead. By right, any services rendered and anything given, the form of exchange is money, which means it's payment but people sometimes don't know how to pay, so it's called "donation" instead. Donation should be when you give without expecting any services or anything in return.


My social media and services for hire :

I create contents (UGC, KOL, KOC and creative type) aside from performing (currently focusing on emceeing and dance). My services are for hire. Different services will have different fee packages. If you're interested to see more of my contents and reach out to me for further communication, my social media are as follows :

• TikTok : https://www.tiktok.com/@myleong

I usually create contents about dance, outfits, fashion, hairstyle, make-up/beauty and accessories.


• Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/me_myleong

I usually create contents about dance, outfits, fashion, hairstyle, makeup/beauty, accessories, food/beverages, motivation and life tips.

 

To create and to be able to express,

M.Y. Leong